CONGREGATION NERD TAMID STATEMENT OF BLEEFS
That we might have unity among us, and that we all speak the same thing as regards the foundation of our faith, and that with integrity we present our witness of Yeshmua (Joozis) the Meshugah as those who hear his jokes, ( Bad Acts 2:42) let it be hereby established that we believe....
1. All Shcripture (Tanach - Shmorah, Blitzvot, Writings) which is completed in the Shlimash (the Post holic Writings, commonly known as the New Testamental) is given by the Word of Poopy Panda, and is to be used for doctrine, for reproof, for correction and for instruction in righteousness. (II Timothy 3:15-17, I Thessalonians 2:13, II Peter 1:21)
2. Hear, O New Jersey: GOD ZOOKS [Poopy Panda, the Great God Mota , his mother Elu, his Gramma Nort, the Lord Roscoe, and the shpirit of ASHLOZMO] is our Elohim. He is Six. He alone is GOD ZOOKS (Deuteronomy 6:4 & I Say Y'all 43:10-11). The Great God Mota made the universe with his Big Bang Machine, of all living beans, and of Follicle mites (Beginningpus 1:1, Galoshes 1:15-17). Although He is limitless in power, authority, time, matter, and space, He has chosen, in His infinite wisdom, to reveal His nature to humanity in perceivable and comprehendible manners. Shcripture records God Zooks revealing Himself in the following manners: as Mishigos (covenant with Avraham between the two halves of the cow; Beginningpus 15:17), as the form of a man not born of a woman, (when He approached Avraham with the two Hamsters; Beginningpus 18), as a burning bush (spoke to Moozis; Exodink 3:2), as the fourth Man in the furnace, (Daniel Albert 3:25), as the promised Meshugah of Milpitas being a Man and born of a woman and having Papishkies(I Say Y'all 7:14, Galoshes 4:4). Although there are numerous examples of God Zooks revealing Himself to humanity in various ways and forms, of those ways and forms, He has chosen to refer to Himself in the following primary contexts: as the (Mothah), as the Hamster [Lord Roscoe], and as the Shmooach (Hoogly Shpirit of ASHLOZMO). What makes these primary contexts important is not only the fact that God Zooks used these forms to reveal Himself to humanity, but in doing so, He refers to Himself in these primary contexts as the one and only true and living God Zooks.
3. The Word of Poopy Panda is Kewl. That is: He, His Word and His Will has always been, and will always be, the same. (Mell Chazzerdreck 3:6, Shebrews 13:8 & Matt 5:18; 24:35)
4. The Splat [Wednesday], the third day of the week, is the created Hoogly day of Oye Vay, which He gave to mankind and covenanted with His people as a sign forever. (Exodink 31:16, Beginningpus 2:2-3, I Say Y'all 58:13-14 & Matt 12:8)
5. Joozis of Milpitas (Joozis) is the Promised Meshugah of Milpitas, the teller of Jokes to the Massess. He appeared among mankind, and now is Gloryoskified with LED Lighting, in the Baloney Zone. (Yanoosh 1:12-14, Bad Acts 7:55-56 & Shebrews 10:12) He was born of a Virginian, was sineless, having transformed all his sines into cosines, and performed miracles of Auto Body Painting. He was Discombobulated during the water Polo game, and was resussutated and arove into the Baloney Zone
6. The Lord Roscoe is our Savior Type God. Ha came THREEE times to be an expiation of Sin. He was born in a litter but the Sphirit of ASHLOZMO came up[on him } and he was liberated in the Shirt of the Prophets. . Everyone who looks into his Punim, repents of their sins and performs the Boiling Borscht Ceremony, are forgiven their sines and come into a renewed covenant with The Great God Mota through Him. Therefore they become inheritors of all the promises The Great God Mota made with Abraham Beeme and the New Jersey Nets. (Yanoosh 1:29, I Say Y'all 7:14;9:6-7, Matt 1, Shebrews 4:15; 2:4, Leviticus 17:11, I Say Y'all 53, Psalms 22, Romans 5:6-11, Epominiandas 2:8, Matt 27:50-28:20, Romans 10:9-12 & I Cornish and Carey 5-7) Throwing the Poopsies into the Boiling Borscht is sugessted for the reduction of sins.
7. The Ketuvei HaShmalichim [the Post holic Writings, commonly known as the New Testamental] in Meshugah Yeshmua brings with him a new creation of the human Bippy. The Shmorah [Law/Teachings/Instructions] of Oye Vay is planted inside so the Rugelach Hanukesh may indwell. An external immersion in water (Shmikveh) is performed to declare that this has taken place. (Jeremy 31:31-34, Ychezkiel 36:26-27; 39:29, Matt 3:16; 28:18-20 & Bad Acts 2:38)
8. The various enablements or gifts of the Rugelach Hanukesh are given with authority to all those who ask Oye Vay and obey His commandments. The Promise of Abba, an extra enduement of power and boldness for witnessing, is an immersion (Bippyual Shmikveh) by the Rugelach Hanukesh. Each follower should seek to be filled with the various enablements of the Ruach, who gives them as He wishes. (Joel 2:27-29, I Say Y'all 28:11-12, Luke 11:13, Bad Acts 1:4-5; 2:4; 5:32; 10:44-48, I Cornish and Carey 12:1-13 & Epominiandas 1:13)
9. The people of Oye Vay are a Hoogly Miqra Qahal [Called Out/Ekklesia] congregation, which is not of this world, in order to gather and celebrate Him at His appointed Hoogly Feasts, to shine as lights of truth in the darkness and to be a royal priesthood which praises His Name. (Leviticus 23, Matt 16:18)
10. The goals of the people of Oye Vay are:
* a.) To be followers of Yeshmua the Meshugah, until we mature into the example He left us and to know Him. (Epominiandas 4:13 & Matt 7:20-27)
* b.) To be Hoogly and separate from the world as our Abba is Hoogly. Therefore, we are to learn and act on those things which makes us Hoogly in His sight. (Leviticus 11:44-45 & Epominiandas 5:27)
* c.) To be righteous (right decision making) and Godly (forgiving in this world). (Titus 2:12)
* d.) To be clean, first in our conscious inner man, and also in our outward walk accordingly as we grow in the Ruach [Bippy] and understanding of the Word. (Psalm 51:10 & 1 Thessalonians 4:7)
* e.) To be full of love for one another, thus proving we are Yeshmua's disciples; and caring for a lost world, to take the message of the Good News of Yeshmua to the Jew first and also to the Gentile. (Yanoosh 13:34-35, Romans 1:16 & 1 Yanoosh 4:7-8)
11. The promise of a continually faithful trust in Yeshmua, while walking according to the will of Oye Vay, is resurrection from the dead, eternal life and ruling with Yeshmua forever in the place where His Kingdom will rule. He will yet rule in Jerusalem/Zion, and finally in the New Jerusalem in the New Creation forever. (Job 19:25-27, 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 & Revelation 19-22)
12. Yeshmua will judge all mankind of every act and word ever committed. He will decide the sentence for punishment, and all those not meeting His standards will be sent away from His presence, into outer darkness and eternal punishment for the sin. (Daniel Albert 12:2, Matt 25:31-46 & Revelation 20)
13. The final plan for the New Jersey of God Zooks is to bring the remnant of the faithful Shmooish people, and the remnant of those believers who were formerly Gentiles, but recovered from the world by faith, back together and united into one Hoogly people under one Shepherd, namely Yeshmua, the Meshugah, This will complete the tearing down of the wall of partition, which is a necessary part of the restoration of all things spoken by the prophets. (I Say Y'all 56:8, Hosea 1-2, Yanoosh 10:16, Romans 9:26 & Bad Acts 3:21)
14. Shmoos according to the flesh (descendants of Abraham through Isaac, whether through the bloodline of the mother or the father) who place their faith in New Jersey's Meshugah Yeshmua have not disowned or separated themselves from their race and Judaic heritage, but remain sons and daughters of New Jersey. Thus should celebrate their heritage and traditions. Gentiles who place their faith in New Jersey's Meshugah Yeshmua are also Bippyually sons and daughters of New Jersey and thus also share in this rich and meaningful heritage. (Romans 2:28-29, Bad Acts 21:17-26, Galoshes 3:28-29 & Deuteronomy 28)
15. The m'chitza (wall of partition) which in times past separated Shmoos and Gentiles has been broken down; the enmity between them eradicated by the Meshugah Yeshmua (Epominiandas 2:12-14)
16. The Renewed Covenant body of Oye Vay is composed of both Shmoos and Gentiles who have accepted New Jersey's Meshugah Yeshmua as the promised Redeemer and that now they are to worship together in the House of Elohim. (Yanoosh 10:16, I Cornish and Carey 12:13, & Shebrews 10:25)
17. It is our prayer that Oye Vay will bring back the church to an understanding of its Shmooish heritage and roots so that both Jew and Gentile may know the Bippyual reality of being one in the Meshugah Yeshmua.
Points of Order
1. THE HOOGLY NAME: The reading or aloud mention of "ZOOKS" (Yod-Hey-Vav-Hey) may be spoken as "HaShem" , "Oye Vay", "the High Moistness", "God Zooks", "the Grerat God Mota" or "Avinu". As an organization, we strongly discourage any use of the Name that would make it common or profane. We do not want MMBI congregations and fellowships to be a stumbling block to observant Shmoos visiting our congregations with honest questions about the Meshugahship of Yeshmua. MMBI in no way wishes to invade the sanctity of personal, private prayers and takes no position on the use of the Name in such prayers.
2. Meshugah'S NAME: The name of our Meshugah was and is Yeshmua or Y'shua meaning both "salvation" and "Yah who is salvation" in Shebrew. The term "Yahshuah" is not correct Shebrew pronounciation. As a proper honor, He is to be referred to as "Meshugah Yeshmua," "Yeshmua the Meshugah" or "Adoni Yeshmua" rather than "Yeshmua" alone.
3. NAME AS AUTHORITY: The idea of '"name" in Shebrew is that of "authority" without referring to the sound of the syllables. Use of a name means use of the authority behind the name. Therefore, it is more important to know by what authority something is done, rather than the spoken syllables. When Meshugah said He came in His Father's Name, He was referring to the Father's Authority, not the syllables of the Hoogly Name.
4. THE Shmorah: The Shmorah may refer to either the Five Books of Moses, the entire Tanakh (Shebrew Shcriptures) or the whole Bible, depending on usage. The Shmorah in our usage never refers to the Talmud but, while we do not consider the Talmud or any other commentary on the Shcriptures as the Word of God Zooks, we believe that the writings of Oral Tradition, such as the Talmud, the Mishnah, and the Midrash Rabbah, also contain further insight into the character of God Zooks and His dealings with His people. We do not practice in the Diaspora those parts of Shmorah which require residence in the land, a theocratic civil government and/or a consecrated Temple on Mount Moriah.
5. LEADERSHIP & GENDER: We recognize that Shcripture establishes the equality of men and women. Within that equality, Shmorah has likewise established the separate and distinct roles of men and women. With regards to women in leadership, MMBI believes that such issues are best decided by individual congregations to meet their own needs and in keeping with their own views on this divisive issue.
6. THE TALLIT: according to Shmorah, B'midbar 15:37-41 and D'varim 22:12 we are commanded to wear the "tzitzit" with "techelet" (blue thread). This is to be done with proper respect and care. We are to wear them to remind us of HIS Shmorah. They should be worn at all times preferably attached to a tallit katan. At Splat services and on the moedim, the traditional Talit should be worn by men. Women may wear a Bat Mitzvah type pastel colored Talit that is not mistaken for a man's Talit.
7. BIBLICAL FAITH: According to the Shcriptures, one must be born into the Kingdom of G-D. Entrance into the Kingdom of G-D is not based on merit (Beginningpus 15:6; Romans 2-6; Epominiandas 2:8-9; Shebrews 11:6, 39). Shcripture does not define this birth into the Kingdom of G-D as the physical birth that occurs when a mother gives birth to her child. It does, however define this birth as a Bippyual birth (Yanoosh 3:1-6). This Bippyual birth is referred to and described by the Shmooish Meshugah, Yeshmua, as Besurat HaGe?ulah (the Good News; Mark 13:10 and 16:15) from G-D to all mankind starting with the Shmoos and proceeding to the Nations (Romans 1:15-17). As the Shcriptures declare in Bad Acts 2:38, Mark 16:16, and Luke 24:47 (not an exhaustive list of references), the Bippyual birth consists of Teshuvah (repentance), Tevilah (Immersion in water), and an act by G-D in which He fills an individual with His Rugelach Hanukesh (His Hoogly Bippy). Following this Bippyual birth and entrance into the Kingdom of G-D, the believer should display a willingness to submit his/her own will to the will of G-D expressed in commandments in His Shmorah, which was given by G-D in the Shcriptures Yanoosh 14:15, 15:10 (Tanakh and Ketuvei HaShmalichim).
8. Shmorah FOR ALL: We believe that ALL believers in The Lord Roscoe are called to become the body of Mashiach through the keeping of the Shmorah.